Grunt – 17 April 2013


Do you have a Bermuda Triangle in your home? The Bermuda Triangle is where aeroplanes, ships, and people are reported to have vanished over the centuries; they are also reported as having left no traces of their disappearance.
Of course, there are scientists who believe they have a rational explanation for the problem, although I’m not sure any of them have actually ventured into the Bermuda Triangle itself – possibly because they want to prove their theory, and they can’t do that if they also vanish during the investigation.

When I ask if you’ve got a Bermuda Triangle in your home, obviously I don’t mean the real thing. Given that the Bermuda Triangle covers 1.3 million square kilometres, you’d need a pretty large house, I guess. What I mean is: do you have one or more places in your dwelling where all manner of things seem to disappear for no apparent reason?

Obviously those odd bits and pieces that appear to vanish suddenly don’t actually vanish. The basic laws of reality argue against that possibility. Nonetheless, it does seem as though these items conspire to become invisible to the naked human eye. Sometimes I imagine them having a midnight meeting, deciding which hiding places are the most ingenious and likely to cause optimum inconvenience for the humans. Imagine the applause a small key, separate from the usual bunch of keys, would get should it say it planned to hide inside one of the shoes the owner rarely wears, while a safety pin is ridiculed for proposing to slide down between the sofa arm and the sofa itself into its innards: That’s such an old ploy! Humans always look there first!

That’s when I began to reflect on possible hideaways for an ever-decreasing number of clothes pegs. After all, there aren’t so many secret niches between the washing-machine and the clothesline. Then, one day, I went to the freezer. And there they all were: clamping shut bags of frozen food. Mystery solved. You see: nothing really vanishes.
Now where’s that bloody key gone? I had it just now …