I’ve made a few nice dishes in my time, but this must be the best I’ve ever made," was Jamie Oliver’s comment on the birth of his second child, Daisy. Hearing that a baby’s on the way both excites and invokes terror in dads-to-be, as they’re unsure of what to expect and how to be a good-enough dad. Follow our tips to help you ease into fatherhood and enrich your bonding experience with your child – and in no time at all you’ll also feel the way Jamie does.
Educational psychologist, Ilze van der Merwe-Alberts from Bella Vida Centre in Johannesburg says although a child’s first attachment is usually to her mother, it’s very important for her to bond with her father, too. "Dads have a unique bond with their children and relate to them differently than moms do."
It’s important to remember that there’s a difference between attachment and bonding. "A child has to first attach to a person so that she knows she’ll be safe before she can bond with him or her.
Attachment can only take place alongside care-giving, when mom or dad spends time with the child, feeding her, changing her nappies and holding her. A child will attach to both parents because she needs the care-giving, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’ll bond with both parents as well. The best way to bond with a child is to share space, time and energy with her by doing things together," explains Ilze.
She says it’s important for dads to have regular, frequent contact with their children. "It doesn’t have to be for long periods of time; just enough for her to get to know her dad and form a relationship with him." There are countless ways in which dads can interact and spend more time with their children, whether they’re babies, toddlers or older children. Try some of these activities:
Spending time with Baby
- Help your partner to bath Baby, or take turns. Most babies love water, and the two of you will have a splashing fun time. You can also bond with your little one by changing her nappy now and then and giving her a bottle.
- Read a simple book with colourful pictures and patterns to your baby.
- Play peek-a-boo with her. You can also play this game with a toy, which you can hide behind the couch or a wall and then make it reappear again. Look surprised when the toy reappears and add commentary like "I see you!" or "hello, baby".
- Put on some music and dance with your baby – gently hold her and sway to the rhythm of the music.
- Play dress-up with her – put silly things like sauce pans or a cushion on your head. This will bring out the giggles.
- Bounce Baby on your legs. Sit on a chair and let Baby sit on your knees and then bounce her up and down by rapidly raising your ankles and then lowering them. You can also let her sit on one ankle and bounce her by lifting your leg up and down.
- Play flying games with your baby. Sit on a chair and lay Baby on your thighs, so that she’s looking down past your knees. Make sure you have a firm grip on her before moving your leg around in smooth, gliding movements.
- If your baby likes swimming, whoosh her up and out of the water and down again while holding her around her chest.
- Walk outside with your baby in her pram, point out things to see, and tell her about what’s going on.
- Lie next to her on the floor and use a torch to trace patterns on the ceiling and walls of the room.
Spending time with toddlers and older kids
- Help your toddler get dressed in the morning and alternate days with your partner to drop her off at crèche or preschool.
- Eat breakfast with your children.
- Read a bedtime story to her every night and tuck her in.
- Spend some one-on-one time with your child – take her out for a picnic or to the zoo.
- Build towers with her using building blocks.
- Kick a ball outside in the garden.
- Allow your child to help you with chores such as sweeping or shaving – give her a little brush to help you sweep or let her put foam on your face before you shave.
- Play hide and seek with your children.
- Help them make cards for grandpa and grandma or mom.
- Have a treasure hunt in the garden – hide toys and leave notes all around the house to tell them where to find the treasure.
- Take your children to a fun playground where they can play on the jungle gym and run around freely.
- Take the kids swimming – there are lots of fun games that can be played in the water.
- Let your kids help you with the gardening – they’ll love digging in the ground alongside you.
- Take them on a camping trip for a weekend.
- Call your children from work and ask them how their day is going and if they’re having fun.
Article supplied by Living and Loving
